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You have ever wondered why other

mothers have it all together.

And you can't find a clean pair of

underwear.

 

 
This Site Is For You IF...

Your first child listened to classical music

You read to them for hours

You kept them sugar and chemical free

And you can't remember why.

 
This Site Is For You IF...

You have read the book! Twice!

And your child STILL doesn't do it.

 
Show us a lil love...it's been a long day!
 
 
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Seeing Eye to Eye PDF Print E-mail
Latest
Written by CC   
Saturday, 12 August 2017 08:35

I looked into my son’s eyes today.  They were right straight across from me as we were walking.  It’s been a process, him growing up and all.  I’ve “Seen” it coming.  But then it still hits me every single time I am walking with him in a store or at my other son’s soccer practice or while standing near him in the kitchen.  When did I quit looking down to see into those beautiful blue eyes?  Not too long ago.

 

His shoes were too big for me a couple years ago.  He exceeded my body weight a few months ago.  (Imagine us all in the bathroom weighing ourselves because he wanted to know who was heavier).  Every mom’s dream, to weigh in with all her kids. 

 

His clothes are bigger than mine.  His hair is thicker.  He looks more like his dad every single day.  That’s a good thing.  His dad is so handsome.  But this is a different iteration of his dad.  This is the iteration of him.  With pieces of his dad and maybe something of mine, like the fact that he has two arms and two legs. 

 

Earlier this week, he talked to a store clerk about the electronics he had been researching.  Shockingly, people know I am the mom and not his friend.  (Damn aging).  So they tend to still cater to me as the authority, but he knows more than I do about all of it.  So I usually nod to my 13 year old son, now directly at my height, when they defer to me.  And he takes off once we all establish who is in charge and who needs information.  I usually take a physical step back to indicate he needs to be the one with the respect. 

 

I just stared at him.  He is gorgeous.  I took a picture and sent it to my cousin, captioned “How gorgeous is my son?”  For the first time in history, the camera chopped off his head.  So I sent a picture of my headless son to my cousin, exclaiming his good looks.  Oh boy.  Pun and done.  There’s my boy, the child who changed my life precipitously, suddenly, wholly. 

 

We made it to today!  I could go on and on about all the things I have seen him do, the struggles, the connection.  I could talk about his ADD or Asperger’s.  I could talk about the sibling rivalry, the tears, the years of research, the way his life has shaped mine so that I will never fear challenge.  Because honestly nothing changes your inhibitions or embarrassment or motivation more than having to “find a way” for your child.  But then if I went on and on about all that, I would discount the man he is, he is becoming. 

 

I might minimize that he is the most heartfelt person.  I might discount that I can’t wait to see what he has to say about someone we meet or a greater struggle in society or the way I explained something.  Because it’s the most undiluted, sometimes misguided, often inappropriate and always from a place inside him where truth comes from.  And I think what a gift he has been given. What a gift I have been given to hear the world through this unfiltered filter.  And amidst the frustration and coaching and laughter, I have gotten to see this beautiful child grow up to be as tall as me, not as incredible a feat as one might think. 

 

I now look him in the eyes, and I see our relationship change.  I see him needing more autonomy and more choices.  And I see he is ready and strong and brave.  And unsure and prepared for the challenge. 

 

And as he continues to grow, in only a few months, I will no longer look in his eyes directly again. This is a particular moment in time.  I will start looking up to him.  And I pray that I will both look up and “look up” to him as he continues to grow into the man he wants to become. 

 

So for this moment, this few months we will look into each other’s eyes, I will picture him as a baby, I will replay episodes of his life as I remember them, I will live in gratitude for the few months in our lives we will see directly into each other’s souls as we speak.  And I will take it as a strong reminder to respect and love him more each day.  I love you, dear Mack.  To you.  To your future.

 

How gorgeous is my son!

Disclaimer:  My son has asked me not to post pictures of him on social media.  So try to imagine the most beautiful face.  (love)

This Mom, Mack's Mom

 
Balance Beam Fo What? PDF Print E-mail
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Written by CC   
Thursday, 13 July 2017 12:35

If I walk the balance beam beautifully, I am perfectly balanced. 

 

I walked on the damn beam.  I kept falling.  Sucked.  I saw another guy do it.  He was amazing…  So balanced.  Guess what…  He had obviously been practicing for years.  I saw his body move gracefully and wonkedy.  I couldn’t replicate it.  I was able to balance a little.  And then I saw other people unable to balance at all or take one step.  I didn’t actually feel better about that.  I just noted it.  And then I tried again.  I didn’t do much better.

 

But if you never try, you have never tried.  If you practice, you will get better, at some level or another. 

 
Simplicity in India PDF Print E-mail
Latest
Written by CC   
Wednesday, 15 March 2017 10:54

I travel each year to a new country.  It’s a “thing” I wrote on my Bucket List.  And on “that list” you write at the beginning of each year.  And this year, I accomplished it in February instead of July.  It was “different”.  I try “different” sometimes because it’s different. And since I am still growing and learning and evolving, I think it’s a good idea.  I may find the secret of the universe yet. 

 

India.  I bought a trip to India.  People ask, “Why India?”  Well, it was on sale.  I wanted to go to Nepal, but my ex-husband said the trip was too far out to put on his calendar, so he could watch our children.  That’s honest.  I accepted it as a sign instead of a barrier.  I’ll trade in a monastery for the bustling, dirty, spiritual montage of India.  I’ve never needed to go there, but then, life is full of signs and pathways, and sometimes you just let go and follow the path of the river beneath you.  It’s much easier than trying to control or figure it out. 

 

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